I received notice today that my 2,450 hours at A&E are down to about 750. I have recently been aware of my remaining hours but when you are called into the boss' office to sign your final contract it becomes very real. I can't believe I've been there nearly a year! My projected final day is December 5th. Many people have asked me the obvious question: "what happens after that?" My answer: "I don't know!" There are a few options for me but every one of them requires me to have a ton of FAITH! I don't think it's a coincidence that that is the very topic we've been looking at in my Women's Bible study. So here are my options (all of which are out of my control).
1) A permanent producer position could become available at A&E, I would apply and perhaps be hired. A position recently opened up which I applied for...along with about 20 other candidates. The competition is tight.
2) A permanent position could open in another department. Once again, there would be a lot of candidates.
3) I may apply for another position at an entirely different network.
4) Something else entirely, of which I have no idea!
I hope I'm not sounding negative. I'm not trying to be. I am trying to be realistic, let my needs and desires be known to God, and trust in Him. Please start praying for me now. Ideally, I would like to stay where I'm at. I LOVE my current job and would only love it more if I received benefits and paid vacation! My prayer is that I would be able to stay there and if that is not the Lord's will, that He would bless me with another position that would meet my physical needs and that I would love just as much. Seriously, I've never had a job that I look forward to going everyday and can find very little, if anything, to say negative about it.
Besides the job situation, my life already feels in a bit of a transition. I can't really explain what's going in my life, mostly because I don't know! I just feel like there are some changes occurring. Maybe I'm being prepared for whatever is in store for me. It's both exciting and frightening at the same time.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
What am I supposed to learn here?
Lately I have been struggling with loneliness. I don't necessarily feel lonely but I am alone a lot...and I don't always like it. I'm not writing this for pity or to make anyone feel bad, it's just the way things are for me right now. I believe there's got to be a reason in God's Divine Plan but I don't know what that is. I do enjoy my personal space probably more than most people. I like shopping and spending time in the city alone, taking in all the sights. But for the last year it's been extreme and not entirely welcome.
I spent New Year's alone, walked to the city's plaza by myself and watched the ball drop among hundreds of other people but I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. I wasn't really sad about it, maybe a little disappointed, felt a little pathetic. I went to see Rent alone because of someone else's selfish decisions. (There's a long story there but it doesn't need to be shared.) Rather than let their actions rob me of seeing the show, I went alone. I spent Easter alone. Sure, I went to church in the morning but nobody invited me over for Easter dinner. So, I went into the city by myself, surrounded by millions of people to help me forget that I should be with loved ones. I didn't dye eggs, or have ham, or deviled eggs; it was a little sad. I celebrated my promotion alone. Leaving the library for a production position didn't sit well with other librarians and the only congratulations I received were from my replacement and those outside the library. I bought a bottle of wine and drank a glass to myself by myself. Very pathetic. I spent the majority of my birthday alone. I went to work and received many well wishes but came home to an empty apartment. The heart felt invitation to spend the remainder of my day with a friend was revoked that morning. Thankfully, a high school friend new to White Plains took me out for a late dinner when she got home. And now, I'm spending Independence Day alone. I heard many stories about people's plans for the day but not one extended an invitation to me. Tonight, I'll probably head into Manhattan alone and watch the fireworks. I'm feeling really pathetic!
I know many people out here on the east coast but I really don't feel that I have any true friends. I don't think it's because I'm not friendly or likeable. Perhaps I'm a bit guarded with my heart. I know a lot of people at work and my co-workers live all across the tri-state area, from Brooklyn to New Jersey to Hartford. So, that makes it really difficult to associate outside of work. I think there's a grand purpose for this time of loneliness. There has to be! I don't know what that is. I'm waiting to see and ready to learn, if only God would reveal it to me.
I spent New Year's alone, walked to the city's plaza by myself and watched the ball drop among hundreds of other people but I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. I wasn't really sad about it, maybe a little disappointed, felt a little pathetic. I went to see Rent alone because of someone else's selfish decisions. (There's a long story there but it doesn't need to be shared.) Rather than let their actions rob me of seeing the show, I went alone. I spent Easter alone. Sure, I went to church in the morning but nobody invited me over for Easter dinner. So, I went into the city by myself, surrounded by millions of people to help me forget that I should be with loved ones. I didn't dye eggs, or have ham, or deviled eggs; it was a little sad. I celebrated my promotion alone. Leaving the library for a production position didn't sit well with other librarians and the only congratulations I received were from my replacement and those outside the library. I bought a bottle of wine and drank a glass to myself by myself. Very pathetic. I spent the majority of my birthday alone. I went to work and received many well wishes but came home to an empty apartment. The heart felt invitation to spend the remainder of my day with a friend was revoked that morning. Thankfully, a high school friend new to White Plains took me out for a late dinner when she got home. And now, I'm spending Independence Day alone. I heard many stories about people's plans for the day but not one extended an invitation to me. Tonight, I'll probably head into Manhattan alone and watch the fireworks. I'm feeling really pathetic!
I know many people out here on the east coast but I really don't feel that I have any true friends. I don't think it's because I'm not friendly or likeable. Perhaps I'm a bit guarded with my heart. I know a lot of people at work and my co-workers live all across the tri-state area, from Brooklyn to New Jersey to Hartford. So, that makes it really difficult to associate outside of work. I think there's a grand purpose for this time of loneliness. There has to be! I don't know what that is. I'm waiting to see and ready to learn, if only God would reveal it to me.
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