Waiting for the Storm to Pass

I really need your prayers at this time. I feel so totally out of control at this time (which I am). I know in my heart that God is in control and will work all things out for good. But my brain is not so certain. I've found out that not only are they NOT going to hire anyone to take Jenny's position as HIstory International (HIN) producer, but they are releasing most freelancers as of January 1st. This is so heart breaking for me to know that many of my friends are losing their job before their time is up. It's also upsetting to me because I feel deceived in a way. Last week, I was asked to take over the HIN network as the sole producer. I'm now developing and implementing the monthly production schedule, and responsible for all shows that go to air for that network. I felt like this was being done to prepare me for that position permanently. And deep inside I'm still hoping that but everyone at work tells me I'm being unrealistic to hope for such a thing. So, knowing that my time is up at A&E on december 16 breaks my heart. I feel like a child screaming "but I don't want to leave!". I've been applying elsewhere but I just feel hopeless about the situation. To add to all this, my lease is up on January 5th and I don't know if I can renew it or even what I will be able to afford. You may remember that I got into that affordable housing program last year, even when it seemed unlikely. I know God can work out what seems impossible. I'm just waiting for that to happen again. And to my falable human mind it seems impossible. I'm really trying to stay optimistic and wait on the Lord but to be honest, it's hard to feel that way constantly. Eventually fear and doubt creep up on me and weigh me down and I lose all composure. Please keep me in prayer. I don't know what's going to happen. Thankfully, God does.

The ball starts rolling

On Friday I finally found out who the new Managing Producer is. Surprisingly, it's not Andy as most everyone expected. A lady named Jenny got the position. She is the primary format producer for History International. I know Andy is very disappointed and all of us are very surprised. But I'm sure Jenny will do a good job as Managing Producer. So, what does this mean for me??? I'm not completely sure. However, since Jenny is really the only producer for the entire H.I. Network, someone will need to take over that network soon. I don't know exactly how they will restructure the department but I know they have to. If they hire a permanent employee (which is highly likely) I feel that I have a pretty good shot. Jenny seems to like me on a personal level more than the other freelance producer I'd be up against. A&E seems to take its time in making decisions so it all comes down to WHEN they decide to restructure and not IF.
I will keep you all updated when and how things progress.

Waiting...and waiting

I intend to update my blog pretty regularly for the next month or so because a lot of things will be happening. So, be sure to check back often.

My job situation has not changed since my last blog except that more time has been taken off my contract. I'm down to about 6 weeks left. Part of me is freaking out because I haven't found a permanent position. But the other part of me is remaining calm because I'm doing all I can possibly do to find a job. I've been taking time every weekend to search about 30 different websites for open positions and apply for anything that I'm qualified for in my field. I've also been networking like crazy. Outside of that, it's not in my hands anyway and I'm trying to remain confident that all will work out in God's timing.
Something I see unfolding and I'm praying that it is God's hand at work (though not as quickly as I want!) has been happening at A&E. About a month ago, the managing producer for the History Channel (Louis) accepted a position at the Discovery Health Network near Washington DC. So, he left A&E. My managing producer, Doug, took Louis' job. Now Doug's position is open. So, I applied and interviewed for it. I know I am no where near the level of experience for that position but Doug encouraged me to apply for it. I felt it was a good opportunity to let the upper management folks know that I really want to stay with A&E and it gave them an opportunity to assess my level of performance thus far. The interview went well as far as having a good conversation with my supervising producer (George) and expressing my desires to him. George let me know this week that I did not get that position (no surprise there) and that the person who got that job will be announced in the next few days. I was hoping to find out yesterday but I guess I'll have to wait until Monday. Everyone is convinced that Andy got the position. He is the likely candidate having worked for A&E as a producer for the last 10 years or so and is unoffically next in line for Doug's position. I'm really hoping and praying that whoever gets the job is hired from within so that their job becomes available for me to apply for. When George called me into his office to let me know that someone else has been selected for the position, I asked him that if he's hired someone from within and I apply for that permanent position would he recommend me? He didn't hesitate to say Yes, without a doubt! But he wouldn't be interviewing me for that position. So, IF Andy is hired, he'll be my new boss. Ironically (or not, I don't know) Andy has been giving me A LOT of extra work for the last week and asking me to do special projects, training me on formats that only he works on, asking me when my time is up and if I want to stay. Please keep this in prayer!
Last Monday, I had a meeting with the HR Director at A&E to discuss with her my options for staying there. There is currently a postion available in another department that I've been considering applying for in an effort to stay at A&E. So, I asked her if it would be in my best interest to apply for it even though it is not a production position. She encouraged me to wait until the new managing producer is announced because IF they hire from within there will be a lot of restructuring to my current department. She hinted that there may be restructuring even if they don't hire from within. If I were to take a position in another department, they would expect me to stay in that position for at least a year before switching departments. I've decided to wait and see who the new managing producer is and what the plan is for my department. I'm feeling VERY impatient here! Again, pray for me.
If you know me very well, you know that I love Starbucks coffee, especially soy lattes. I find my almost daily cup of Starbucks to be my indulgence and a comfort when I'm having a rough day. Well, I've decided that while I'm waiting for God to answer my job question, I cannot turn to Starbucks for comfort. I have to turn to Him. It's only been a week but everytime I think that I really want my cup of coffee I resist it and start praying.

The Countdown is On

I received notice today that my 2,450 hours at A&E are down to about 750. I have recently been aware of my remaining hours but when you are called into the boss' office to sign your final contract it becomes very real. I can't believe I've been there nearly a year! My projected final day is December 5th. Many people have asked me the obvious question: "what happens after that?" My answer: "I don't know!" There are a few options for me but every one of them requires me to have a ton of FAITH! I don't think it's a coincidence that that is the very topic we've been looking at in my Women's Bible study. So here are my options (all of which are out of my control).
1) A permanent producer position could become available at A&E, I would apply and perhaps be hired. A position recently opened up which I applied for...along with about 20 other candidates. The competition is tight.
2) A permanent position could open in another department. Once again, there would be a lot of candidates.
3) I may apply for another position at an entirely different network.
4) Something else entirely, of which I have no idea!

I hope I'm not sounding negative. I'm not trying to be. I am trying to be realistic, let my needs and desires be known to God, and trust in Him. Please start praying for me now. Ideally, I would like to stay where I'm at. I LOVE my current job and would only love it more if I received benefits and paid vacation! My prayer is that I would be able to stay there and if that is not the Lord's will, that He would bless me with another position that would meet my physical needs and that I would love just as much. Seriously, I've never had a job that I look forward to going everyday and can find very little, if anything, to say negative about it.
Besides the job situation, my life already feels in a bit of a transition. I can't really explain what's going in my life, mostly because I don't know! I just feel like there are some changes occurring. Maybe I'm being prepared for whatever is in store for me. It's both exciting and frightening at the same time.

What am I supposed to learn here?

Lately I have been struggling with loneliness. I don't necessarily feel lonely but I am alone a lot...and I don't always like it. I'm not writing this for pity or to make anyone feel bad, it's just the way things are for me right now. I believe there's got to be a reason in God's Divine Plan but I don't know what that is. I do enjoy my personal space probably more than most people. I like shopping and spending time in the city alone, taking in all the sights. But for the last year it's been extreme and not entirely welcome.
I spent New Year's alone, walked to the city's plaza by myself and watched the ball drop among hundreds of other people but I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. I wasn't really sad about it, maybe a little disappointed, felt a little pathetic. I went to see Rent alone because of someone else's selfish decisions. (There's a long story there but it doesn't need to be shared.) Rather than let their actions rob me of seeing the show, I went alone. I spent Easter alone. Sure, I went to church in the morning but nobody invited me over for Easter dinner. So, I went into the city by myself, surrounded by millions of people to help me forget that I should be with loved ones. I didn't dye eggs, or have ham, or deviled eggs; it was a little sad. I celebrated my promotion alone. Leaving the library for a production position didn't sit well with other librarians and the only congratulations I received were from my replacement and those outside the library. I bought a bottle of wine and drank a glass to myself by myself. Very pathetic. I spent the majority of my birthday alone. I went to work and received many well wishes but came home to an empty apartment. The heart felt invitation to spend the remainder of my day with a friend was revoked that morning. Thankfully, a high school friend new to White Plains took me out for a late dinner when she got home. And now, I'm spending Independence Day alone. I heard many stories about people's plans for the day but not one extended an invitation to me. Tonight, I'll probably head into Manhattan alone and watch the fireworks. I'm feeling really pathetic!
I know many people out here on the east coast but I really don't feel that I have any true friends. I don't think it's because I'm not friendly or likeable. Perhaps I'm a bit guarded with my heart. I know a lot of people at work and my co-workers live all across the tri-state area, from Brooklyn to New Jersey to Hartford. So, that makes it really difficult to associate outside of work. I think there's a grand purpose for this time of loneliness. There has to be! I don't know what that is. I'm waiting to see and ready to learn, if only God would reveal it to me.

1st Week, 1st Edit...Done!

My first day as a Producer was May 5th. I spent the first week following around other producers, sitting in on their edit sessions, and learning what all my responsibilities are. I set up my new desk and started to familiarize myself with all the paperwork I have to submit for every show. I also received my assignments for the month of June. So, with my feet wet and a basic understanding of what I'm supposed to do, they set me to work. I had my first solo edit session this past Wednesday (May 14). It went really well!! I formatted 5 shows and revised 4. 9 shows done in one day is good, even for a veteran producer, or so I'm told.

A lot of people have been asking about the specifics of my job. There's a lot of aspects to it and it's not all very interesting but I'll try to explain what I do. A production plan is created by one of the senior producers that includes every show for the month that will need to have something done to it. A producer is assigned to each show. I have to look at the production plan and see what's assigned to me and what I have to do to each show. I then have to request the proper materials (blank tapes, source footage, element footage, etc.) in order to correctly create the show. Most of my time is spent getting ready for my edit session. I have to pre-screen everything to make sure there are no audio or video problems, no swearing, and that the program times out correctly. A 1-hour program should really be about 45 minutes, allowing for 15 minutes of commercials. So, if it's too long, I have to decide what will be cut out. I have to have forms prepared for myself and the editor based on my screening process. The day of edit, I work with an editor to make all the changes to the programs that I decided to make during the screening process. If it's a new program, we have to record it onto 2 video tapes and add any special elements I decided to put in. And more paperwork. Paperwork for the reel telling what show is on the tape, and all the important time codes, and revision paperwork. Then, after the edit session, I have to email all the paperwork to the correct departments and make sure the reels go to the library (where I used to work) so that it can be labeled and prepared to go to air. So, basically, my job is to watch a lot of TV. Sometimes it's really interesting (like when I am assigned to Biographies), sometimes it's really not (like when I'm assigned to Ghost Stories). But I really am enoying it! I have my lunch paid for by A&E when I'm in an edit session. I work on my own schedule and am responsible only for myself. I work really well that way. I have a cubicle with my own little TV. I have a cart that belongs to me with Yankees stickers on it. I sit near other producers who are pretty kick back and easy going, and one is kinda cute too! We go on spur of the moment coffee runs (unfortunately, there's no Starbucks nearby so I have to settle for Dunkin' Donuts) and play Scrabble and Sudoku when we run out of things to do. Oh, and we find a reason to have cake and ice cream at least once a week! I couldn't ask for a better job!

Here are some pictures from my first edit session this week.

My first slate

This is the edit suite

Me, producing!

Here's the Latest

It's official...starting in May, I will be a Producer for the Biography Channel. I'm so excited and thankful for this opportunity! God is so good!
I have to wait a few weeks for someone to be hired in my current position and then I have to train them for a week. So, I'm looking at the first week of May to move over to the post-production department. My new job sounds more glamorous than it really is (as most things in life are). I will have a lot of paperwork to do. I will be in the editing studio once or twice a week for 8 hours at a time adding Biography Channel elements to programs, making sure they meet FCC standards, and have no audio or video errors. Most of my editing sessions will be during the day (8:30-4:30) but about once a month I'll have to do a night edit (5pm-1am). No, you won't see my name on the credits at the end of the show. That'll happen with my next job! When I'm in an editing session, A&E Networks buys my lunch. Nice perk! Plus, I have a little bit of flexibility in my hours.
Doug, my new boss, said that they decided to give me the job because they liked my initiative. I've never thought of myself as having initiative and for me to approach him in the first place is not something I usually do. So, it's really paid off for me to put myself out on a limb this time. Doug also mentioned that early in his career, people took a chance on him and gave him opportunities and he wanted to pay me the same consideration.
Ironically, an hour after I was offered the position, I received a phone call from ABC asking me to come in for an interview to work on "All My Children". I told them they were an hour late!

Opening Day Report

Yankees Opening Day was scheduled for Monday, March 31. I had been watching the forecast for about a week leading up to the game. It kept saying it would rain on Monday but all the meteorologists "guaranteed" that it would not rain out the Yankees game. What do they know? (Sorry, Carlos) Well, Monday came and it was drizzly all day, like a heavy fog. We got to the stadium and they announced that the game would be delayed an hour. So, we hung around eating hot dogs and talking to other fans. An hour passed and another announcement that they were "evaluating their options." What options do you have? You either play the game or you don't. Fan were getting restless, chanting "Let them play!" and yelling at Joe Girardi that if Torre were here, they'd be playing. (If you're not a baseball fan, those names probably hold no meaning for you. If you know baseball, you laughed just now.) Well, they decided to postpone the game until Tuesday at 7:05 because the weather forecast called for deteriorating conditions. Fans groaned and clapped at the same time. And everyone headed out. The weather never deteriorated...
So, now Tuesday, April 1st is Opening Day. Good thing I bought a hat that says "Final Opening Day in Yankee Stadium--March 31, 2008" Guess it's a collector's item now! We missed the train we had intended to take so we decided to drive to the stadium. I live only about 20 minutes by car and 30-40 minutes by train from Yankee Stadium. The train is just easier to take because parking is a headache and there's construction all around the stadium. So, we drove in, found a parking spot (barely), and got to the stadium. Then we stood in line for 20 minutes and missed the first pitch. :( I was very disappointed but there's nothing I could do about it. The line was just so slow and they had only 4 people checking in a crowd of people. Poor planning on the Yankees part. I got to my seat in time to see the Yankees come up for their first at-bats. It was a great game. The atmosphere felt like a play off game. And the Yankees won!
Time to head home. We hopped in the car and were just about to get on the Major Deegan Expressway when a box truck made a wide right turn...right into us! Awww, man! We look up and there's a bunch of police cars heading our direction. "Oh good," I thought, "they saw the accident and are coming to help us." I yell at some people on the street to stop the guy who hit us. Thankfully no one seemed to be hurt. But the cops were yelling at us to move. We explain that we were just hit. They tell us there's a "more important" scene and point to the on ramp. There are about 8 police cars on the on ramp. We ask if they could spare one police officer for us. The cop yells at me that someone is dying! So, I get on my cell phone and call 9-1-1. I explain what happened and that I know there's a more imporant accident but we just need one officer to take a report. No, nobody's hurt but we're sort of blocking the intersection and now it's pouring and it's not safe to be out here. The dispatcher tells me that someone is on the way. After 45 minutes of waiting in the pouring rain and exchanging information with the other driver, still no police officer to help us! Many cops passed us to go to the other accident scene--none stopped to ask if we were OK. In all the time we were there, only one woman stopped to ask if I was OK and if she could call a cab for me. How nice! I told her that I was waiting for the police...for more than a half hour. She rolled her eyes and said "It figures. Don't count on anyone to show up." Well, we gave up waiting. Got all the info we could get from the other guy and left.
I'm very dissatisfied with the Bronx Police Department. I realize the other accident scene was more dire than ours. However, I am not convinced that every cop in the Bronx needed to be there. At one point, there were probably 20 or more emergency vehicles on that scene. Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt. My back was hurting before the accident and now it's hurting worse. Other than that, I feel fine. If the truck had hit us a second earlier, it would have hit the front door of the car and probably would have really injured us. Basically, the whole experience of Opening Day that I've been so excited about and anticipating for awhile now, has been overshadowed by disappointments. The more I think about it, the more I'm reminded of Matthew 6:19-20. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." While these verses allude to material treasures, I think it can apply to experiences too. Our experiences here on earth can be destroyed, or at the very least disappointing, becuase of other influences.

Here's a link to the news story about the other accident(http://www.wcbs880.com/pages/1928695.php?contentType=4&contentId=1817308)
I'll post some pictures from the game days soon.

**I know you're probably wondering...no, I haven't heard about the Producer position. I asked Doug if he had anything he wanted to talk about with me today. He simply said, "No, not today..." I'll keep you posted.**

It's Been Awhile

Believe it or not, I have been working for A&E Television Networks for 7 months now! Since reaching the 6 month mark there, I've been feeling rather unchallenged in my job. I've also been considering what my next career step should be since my current position will only last until November at best. Last Friday I decided to talk with the Managing Producer (Doug) to get some career advice. He didn't really steer me in any direction in particular but it turned into something like an interview. He asked me to send him my resume if I'd be interested in a Producer position. Of course I'm interested! So, first thing Monday morning I sent Doug my resume, knowing there aren't any open Producer positions. Yesterday Doug stopped by my desk and asked me to meet with him Friday at 3. I didn't realize it would be an actual interview! I met with him for an hour today. He told me that there is a position open and told me all about the job. I'd be a Producer for the Biography Channel formatting various programs before they go to air. I think I'd be really good at this. I'd learn another aspect of post-production and once again feel challenged in my work. It would also mean a pay increase! Even without the pay increase, I really want this. I can really see God's hand working in my life. There was no job available last week when I went to talk to Doug and I went and talked to him anyway. And now I'm waiting to hear if I will be a Producer!
When my lease was up in January, there was no way I could afford to stay in my apartment. Somehow, which I still don't understand, I was able to get into an affordable housing program, get my rent lowered by $600/month, AND stay in my current place. Usually people in the housing program have to live in a studio apartment. But they allowed me to stay in my apartment because it would be too much of a hassle to move. Praise God!
If you know me very well, you know how much I love the Yankees. It's been a dream since moving here to get season tickets for the Yankees. I figured I have to do it this year since it's the final season in Yankee Stadium. I put a deposit down in November for a package of 15 games. I realized it was kind of a gamble because there's no guarantee I'll get tickets since I've never had a season ticket package before. Once all the current ticket holders renew their licenses, then they choose new people to purchase ticket plans. Somehow I have seniority. I got a call in February that I could choose my seats because I bought a lot of Yankees tickets in 2005. That's impossible because I didn't live in NY in 2005 so there'd be no reason for me to have bought any tickets then! Well, there's no mistake about it. I am the proud owner of Section 27, row J, seats 1 and 2 for every Sunday home game. Unbelievable! Opening Day is March 31...10 more days! I can't wait!
Thank you for your continued love, prayer, and support. I would love to hear from those of you I've drifted away from. Keep me posted on your life. I will let you know when I hear about the Producer job.