4 Months and Counting

I have been unemployed now for a little over 4 months. It has been a time of hope and frustration. Sometimes I switch between these polar feelings in a matter of seconds!

I'm hopeful that I will land an amazing job if I only wait on God's perfect timing. Hopeful that He will provide (and He has thus far). Hopeful everytime I apply for a job. Hopeful everytime I miss out on a job that there's something better for me. Hopeful that things (ie, the economy, job market) will improve. Hopeful because I know that God is in control.

I get frustrated by the lack of jobs available in my field and every field, for that matter. Frustrated by people with jobs telling me the job market isn't that bad. Frustrated that friends who have no experience in my field get the entry level jobs. Frustrated that I haven't even landed an interview. Frustrated when I get turned down for jobs that I could do in my sleep. Frustrated that I worry about the future when I know better than to worry. Frustrated that I have no control over any of this!

The process of receiving unemployment benefits was not explained well in January when I first started receiving them. I was told that I had until January 2010. They left out that I only get a certain dollar amount. So, they should say I have x amount of dollars in my account or until January 2010, whichever comes first. So, as it stands, my benefits will run out at the beginning of July if I keep receiving the level of benefits I currently receive. I can continue to receive benefits if I work fewer than 30 hours per week. Whatever I earn at a part-time job will be deducted from my weekly benefit amount. But if I work over 30 hours, I get no benefits, so I'd probably earn less than what I get with my benefits. Did all that make sense? So, in order to stretch out my benefits to a later date, I'm looking for some part-time work. As a result, I went ahead and (reluctantly) signed up with a temp agency yesterday. Even they told me that they aren't receiving many temp assignments (more frustration). I'm now thinking of signing on with a number of temp agencies to better my chances of finding something. Truth be told, I don't even want to deal with any of this! I just want my perfect broadcasting job...NOW!!!

Not Much To Say

A lot of people have asked me to update my blog about my job situation. I haven't because...I don't feel like there's anything to say! My last day at A&E was December 16. I flew to California on December 17 where I spent Christmas. Came back to NY on December 29 (at 5am) and filed for unemployment. I don't have a job at this time. I surf the Internet for hours on end researching companies and applying for jobs. Truth be told, there aren't a lot of jobs to apply for. Job boards that I check frequently have gone from about 200 job postings to only 5. I think I just have to "wait it out."
In the meantime, I'm trying to be optimistic and think of this whole experience as an opportunity. I have a lot of free time right now and once I do find a job I don't know when I'll have this much time on my hands again. So, I'm focusing on pursuing my dream of being in front of the camera. To clarify, I don't want to be a news reporter or anchor, I don't want to host a talk show, I don't want to act. I do want to host a television magazine-- something you might see on the Travel Channel. I'm interested in sports, travel, fashion, real estate, and food. So any show focusing on one or more of those topics would be ideal. I'm trying to determine what the best plan of attack is to pursue this. I have a few possibilities (all unpaid) in the works. I really don't mind if it's unpaid at this point because I would love to just have the experience and exposure.
If anyone knows any opportunities or avenues to explore (both producing and on-camera), let me know!

Waiting for the Storm to Pass

I really need your prayers at this time. I feel so totally out of control at this time (which I am). I know in my heart that God is in control and will work all things out for good. But my brain is not so certain. I've found out that not only are they NOT going to hire anyone to take Jenny's position as HIstory International (HIN) producer, but they are releasing most freelancers as of January 1st. This is so heart breaking for me to know that many of my friends are losing their job before their time is up. It's also upsetting to me because I feel deceived in a way. Last week, I was asked to take over the HIN network as the sole producer. I'm now developing and implementing the monthly production schedule, and responsible for all shows that go to air for that network. I felt like this was being done to prepare me for that position permanently. And deep inside I'm still hoping that but everyone at work tells me I'm being unrealistic to hope for such a thing. So, knowing that my time is up at A&E on december 16 breaks my heart. I feel like a child screaming "but I don't want to leave!". I've been applying elsewhere but I just feel hopeless about the situation. To add to all this, my lease is up on January 5th and I don't know if I can renew it or even what I will be able to afford. You may remember that I got into that affordable housing program last year, even when it seemed unlikely. I know God can work out what seems impossible. I'm just waiting for that to happen again. And to my falable human mind it seems impossible. I'm really trying to stay optimistic and wait on the Lord but to be honest, it's hard to feel that way constantly. Eventually fear and doubt creep up on me and weigh me down and I lose all composure. Please keep me in prayer. I don't know what's going to happen. Thankfully, God does.

The ball starts rolling

On Friday I finally found out who the new Managing Producer is. Surprisingly, it's not Andy as most everyone expected. A lady named Jenny got the position. She is the primary format producer for History International. I know Andy is very disappointed and all of us are very surprised. But I'm sure Jenny will do a good job as Managing Producer. So, what does this mean for me??? I'm not completely sure. However, since Jenny is really the only producer for the entire H.I. Network, someone will need to take over that network soon. I don't know exactly how they will restructure the department but I know they have to. If they hire a permanent employee (which is highly likely) I feel that I have a pretty good shot. Jenny seems to like me on a personal level more than the other freelance producer I'd be up against. A&E seems to take its time in making decisions so it all comes down to WHEN they decide to restructure and not IF.
I will keep you all updated when and how things progress.

Waiting...and waiting

I intend to update my blog pretty regularly for the next month or so because a lot of things will be happening. So, be sure to check back often.

My job situation has not changed since my last blog except that more time has been taken off my contract. I'm down to about 6 weeks left. Part of me is freaking out because I haven't found a permanent position. But the other part of me is remaining calm because I'm doing all I can possibly do to find a job. I've been taking time every weekend to search about 30 different websites for open positions and apply for anything that I'm qualified for in my field. I've also been networking like crazy. Outside of that, it's not in my hands anyway and I'm trying to remain confident that all will work out in God's timing.
Something I see unfolding and I'm praying that it is God's hand at work (though not as quickly as I want!) has been happening at A&E. About a month ago, the managing producer for the History Channel (Louis) accepted a position at the Discovery Health Network near Washington DC. So, he left A&E. My managing producer, Doug, took Louis' job. Now Doug's position is open. So, I applied and interviewed for it. I know I am no where near the level of experience for that position but Doug encouraged me to apply for it. I felt it was a good opportunity to let the upper management folks know that I really want to stay with A&E and it gave them an opportunity to assess my level of performance thus far. The interview went well as far as having a good conversation with my supervising producer (George) and expressing my desires to him. George let me know this week that I did not get that position (no surprise there) and that the person who got that job will be announced in the next few days. I was hoping to find out yesterday but I guess I'll have to wait until Monday. Everyone is convinced that Andy got the position. He is the likely candidate having worked for A&E as a producer for the last 10 years or so and is unoffically next in line for Doug's position. I'm really hoping and praying that whoever gets the job is hired from within so that their job becomes available for me to apply for. When George called me into his office to let me know that someone else has been selected for the position, I asked him that if he's hired someone from within and I apply for that permanent position would he recommend me? He didn't hesitate to say Yes, without a doubt! But he wouldn't be interviewing me for that position. So, IF Andy is hired, he'll be my new boss. Ironically (or not, I don't know) Andy has been giving me A LOT of extra work for the last week and asking me to do special projects, training me on formats that only he works on, asking me when my time is up and if I want to stay. Please keep this in prayer!
Last Monday, I had a meeting with the HR Director at A&E to discuss with her my options for staying there. There is currently a postion available in another department that I've been considering applying for in an effort to stay at A&E. So, I asked her if it would be in my best interest to apply for it even though it is not a production position. She encouraged me to wait until the new managing producer is announced because IF they hire from within there will be a lot of restructuring to my current department. She hinted that there may be restructuring even if they don't hire from within. If I were to take a position in another department, they would expect me to stay in that position for at least a year before switching departments. I've decided to wait and see who the new managing producer is and what the plan is for my department. I'm feeling VERY impatient here! Again, pray for me.
If you know me very well, you know that I love Starbucks coffee, especially soy lattes. I find my almost daily cup of Starbucks to be my indulgence and a comfort when I'm having a rough day. Well, I've decided that while I'm waiting for God to answer my job question, I cannot turn to Starbucks for comfort. I have to turn to Him. It's only been a week but everytime I think that I really want my cup of coffee I resist it and start praying.

The Countdown is On

I received notice today that my 2,450 hours at A&E are down to about 750. I have recently been aware of my remaining hours but when you are called into the boss' office to sign your final contract it becomes very real. I can't believe I've been there nearly a year! My projected final day is December 5th. Many people have asked me the obvious question: "what happens after that?" My answer: "I don't know!" There are a few options for me but every one of them requires me to have a ton of FAITH! I don't think it's a coincidence that that is the very topic we've been looking at in my Women's Bible study. So here are my options (all of which are out of my control).
1) A permanent producer position could become available at A&E, I would apply and perhaps be hired. A position recently opened up which I applied for...along with about 20 other candidates. The competition is tight.
2) A permanent position could open in another department. Once again, there would be a lot of candidates.
3) I may apply for another position at an entirely different network.
4) Something else entirely, of which I have no idea!

I hope I'm not sounding negative. I'm not trying to be. I am trying to be realistic, let my needs and desires be known to God, and trust in Him. Please start praying for me now. Ideally, I would like to stay where I'm at. I LOVE my current job and would only love it more if I received benefits and paid vacation! My prayer is that I would be able to stay there and if that is not the Lord's will, that He would bless me with another position that would meet my physical needs and that I would love just as much. Seriously, I've never had a job that I look forward to going everyday and can find very little, if anything, to say negative about it.
Besides the job situation, my life already feels in a bit of a transition. I can't really explain what's going in my life, mostly because I don't know! I just feel like there are some changes occurring. Maybe I'm being prepared for whatever is in store for me. It's both exciting and frightening at the same time.

What am I supposed to learn here?

Lately I have been struggling with loneliness. I don't necessarily feel lonely but I am alone a lot...and I don't always like it. I'm not writing this for pity or to make anyone feel bad, it's just the way things are for me right now. I believe there's got to be a reason in God's Divine Plan but I don't know what that is. I do enjoy my personal space probably more than most people. I like shopping and spending time in the city alone, taking in all the sights. But for the last year it's been extreme and not entirely welcome.
I spent New Year's alone, walked to the city's plaza by myself and watched the ball drop among hundreds of other people but I was alone. I didn't know anyone there. I wasn't really sad about it, maybe a little disappointed, felt a little pathetic. I went to see Rent alone because of someone else's selfish decisions. (There's a long story there but it doesn't need to be shared.) Rather than let their actions rob me of seeing the show, I went alone. I spent Easter alone. Sure, I went to church in the morning but nobody invited me over for Easter dinner. So, I went into the city by myself, surrounded by millions of people to help me forget that I should be with loved ones. I didn't dye eggs, or have ham, or deviled eggs; it was a little sad. I celebrated my promotion alone. Leaving the library for a production position didn't sit well with other librarians and the only congratulations I received were from my replacement and those outside the library. I bought a bottle of wine and drank a glass to myself by myself. Very pathetic. I spent the majority of my birthday alone. I went to work and received many well wishes but came home to an empty apartment. The heart felt invitation to spend the remainder of my day with a friend was revoked that morning. Thankfully, a high school friend new to White Plains took me out for a late dinner when she got home. And now, I'm spending Independence Day alone. I heard many stories about people's plans for the day but not one extended an invitation to me. Tonight, I'll probably head into Manhattan alone and watch the fireworks. I'm feeling really pathetic!
I know many people out here on the east coast but I really don't feel that I have any true friends. I don't think it's because I'm not friendly or likeable. Perhaps I'm a bit guarded with my heart. I know a lot of people at work and my co-workers live all across the tri-state area, from Brooklyn to New Jersey to Hartford. So, that makes it really difficult to associate outside of work. I think there's a grand purpose for this time of loneliness. There has to be! I don't know what that is. I'm waiting to see and ready to learn, if only God would reveal it to me.